Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone. (G. B. Stern)
The above quote struck a cord with me, as they do, because I had two wonderful feedbacks for my latest chapter posted on Fanfiction.net for my Primeval fanfiction,(Hard Light) which has proved harder to finish than a bowl of All Bran!! I have been prevaricating like nobodies business, with the last chapters of two fanfics waiting in the wings. But with feedback like those below, I feel both exhilerated and scared shitless. But before I go on, these are what the kind fans had to say about the chapter, in what is proving to be another of my blasted epics.
“At the edge of my seat!
You really reveal the tension or affection between each character. Great job. Please update soon! It’s simply amazing.”
“Wow. Wowowowow. This is going to get interesting…Update soon”
What makes these comments more pertinent than others, is because of the following :
the story has 99955 words, spread over 20 chapters, with only 36 reviews, and 3909 hits.
These courageous readers have managed to stay with this mammoth story,(at already nearly 100,000 words =400pages) and still remain enthusiastic about it. Now either they are just saying those nice remarks because they are having a really, really good day….or they think I’m a pretty okay writer. I choose to believe the latter. That brings me back to my former comment - it is both exhilerating to read such comments, but also enough to scare me shitless.
I started the story :- a time travelling(through unstable anomalies), multiple realities nightmare of a story, with the same characters mixed up and thrown into different time zones and periods of history, all heading to a massive showdown, and all based on a six episode tv series which ends with “where’s claudia?” - with the view of writing a simple romance, and maybe a bit of an adventure. Now I’ve created a monster that demands I finish it, and finish it right.
The same with the other story waiting for me to finish it - it deserves to be finished, and finished well. (another epic at 130,000words and 23 chapters.)
It’s all rather daunting, and all I can do is play endless stupid games on the computer and try not to think about them.
I don’t trust myself to finish them in the way they, and the fans, deserve them to be.
The curse of feedback. They like what I’ve done, and want more. I’m not sure I can deliver.
And yet, feedback is quite possibly the nicest thing a writer can ever receive. I’ve had more feedback for some stories, next to no feedback on others, but to get feedback on a story, that even confuses it’s creator, makes them extra special.
The point of all this rambling is….why can’t I put that much creative energy into an original manuscript?? Am I such a feedback junkie that I write fanfiction just for the sake of feedback?? Am I wasting my talent - will I go to the keyboard one day and not be able to write a word, because I’ve used up all my creative wellspring and produced nothing more than extensions of someone elses creation?? For what else is fanfiction but taking someone elses idea and running with it.
I think I’ll settle for being a feedback junky. The alternative is to scary to contemplate.
I think I prevaricated again.
Maybe I should have gone with this quote instead:-
Self-trust is the first secret of success. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
And if you’ve made it this far…..you deserve a hug. I know I could use one right now.